A slice of Mimolette, a cow’s milk cheese from near Lille, the crust of which is inoculated with cheese mites (Tyrophagus casei) during ageing, resulting in the weird moon-like grey texture. The taste is a little like cheddar, if nowhere near as interesting. The colour of the inside (from annatto) is off-putting but the way it breaks apart in geometric-looking waxy slabs is somewhat satisfying.

And in the red corner, Celtic Promise, which literally smells like wild animals @mootowncheese

Bermondsey Spa, a ridiculously smelly cheese from @mootowncheese, washed in Kernel stout. Not for the weak